Fight Night

Any time you hear somebody say,
"The last thing I remember seeing is a buddy of mine in slow motion,"
You know you're about to hear an amazing story.
That's why you walk away.

Intervention

By such-and-such standards you have been chosen
the one and only candidate for a full-scale
all expenses paid world-class tour of
your shortcomings and downfalls and general
pseudo-human qualities

Congratulations and salutations
your good fortune and lackadaisical demeanor
have brought you far

You have certainly been blessed