Asthma and/or Pilates

Hushed conversations

happen, kitchen-side,

about the merits or

lack there of of of of of of

the messed up eyes

of of the saturated

duckling.

He cannot help it,

or himself...maybe

he's born with it...

maybe his baby dreams

have fractured his sense

of of of of of of of

self worth and

semi-satisfaction.

His demigod status

is on the wane...the

rockstar stature he

harbored in his veins

had held on as long

as it could. Now, he

only sleeps on his side,

otherwise his breath

comes in heaves and

the chills that once

stemmed from his gaze

now grace his vertebrae.

The transition was such

that none but the most

highly trained specialists

could notice the subtle

differences. The color

of of of his cheeks, while

perpetually pallid,

drained languidly, leaving

him pale, pasty, pained.

These were not his

finest years. He would not

tell his grandchildren.

The Din of Silent Sin

As I bask in the glow

of your not knowing,

it warms me,

or warns me,

straight to the tips of my toes.

I never saw this coming...

I'd not be honest,

earnest, maybe,

honest, certainly not.

If I had worded the sentiment

a bit more carefully

it might have sounded more

as if I had meant it.

I did,

but I would still be surprised

if you had believed me.

You left your napkin folded,

draped across the back of your chair.

I was sure you'd return,

but you never did.

I imagine you would say I could have seen it coming,

but I never do, and I would say it was my fault,

disregarding your assertions to the contrary.

I saw it coming, but not from you.

The tales of napkins

are better told through some some other point of view.

Sleepy Soliloquy

Sometimes,
late at night,
while the campers nap
and the cows and horses
set aside their differences
and commune peacefully,
I slip past the infants,
the old folks, lying restless,
I try to keep a graceful
stream as I pee.
Some times
are harder than others,
other times
I have to wait my turn.
I try to keep my head above my shoes.
Sometimes late at night
is harder than more often.

Math Poems

math equals self-respect over drinking times girls

end roadwork(1+speed limit)=2(highway signs)

me=2(awesome+2blogger)=why blogger doesn't allow mathematical notation in a blog

There were bridges, too.

When I was young, I took a trip to the zoo.
I don't remember which zoo, it must have been
a zoo, or I wouldn't remember its zoo-ness.

I remember my uncle, and my cousin.
My cousin, he might be smarter than me.
We saw giraffes and other animals.

It may have been San Diego, but I've never
been to California. I remember flat, lots,
and dirt, maybe sand...it was everywhere.

The animals were tired, or sad, sometimes
it's hard to differentiate the two. Maybe sad
thinks it's better, but tired has more clout.

It was probably in Ohio, after all. It seems
that's where it happens most. If I ever return
I will still be wearing pants, of course.

Fight Night

Any time you hear somebody say,
"The last thing I remember seeing is a buddy of mine in slow motion,"
You know you're about to hear an amazing story.
That's why you walk away.

Intervention

By such-and-such standards you have been chosen
the one and only candidate for a full-scale
all expenses paid world-class tour of
your shortcomings and downfalls and general
pseudo-human qualities

Congratulations and salutations
your good fortune and lackadaisical demeanor
have brought you far

You have certainly been blessed

My, my.

The charmers disarmed me fluidly
and raced to embrace their own incongruities.
What was left of my chest screamed "this is all new to me!"
But with a mind and some time, it will all work out beautifully.

Prostrate and debilitated

Well, I creeped out the creepshows
Never thought I'd make it in time.
Or that I had it in me...
Guess I better reassess my life.

Right?

I ain't no fucking creeping toucher,
Or if an infant smiles..."Oh, yes!"
We all have our fucked up moments.
I just had mine, I guess.

Mo' Hot Shit

Beggin' the handles off the pasta pot,
Like that cool breeze that struggles through my hair.
Got my ammo vest on
but I'm out of bullets. So I guess
I have to shoot myself

Marmalade

It's like lapses in summer classes...

Everlasting...

But with a chance of out surpassing
all the others who abide by all the
rules I step aside.

I'm not the one to find the fun in
the act of looking back upon the sun.

But ever after there'll be laughter,
idle banter to lace the actors
to their puns.



Guilty.

Record executive.

Pockmarks for pocket change,
strutting some shit down broadway.
make it better by the morning;
the juice tastes best fresh.
never mind the jaundiced faces...
kind words travel fastest
despite the atmospheric aberrations.
One tall glass of milk, please.

Whatever

i
don't
care
doesn't
bother
me
whine
away

Sunday Brunch

Sometime you must be
particular with vowels.
it's not so much of an
issue as long as you
keep your reigns in check.

Another mimosa, please.

Chillin' in the Bonus Room

I've got only two lives worth mentioning.
Let me tell you about the one,
And I'll only say that I have
One life still worth living.

As one of the last Procrastinators,
I know that I've got Mine coming.
So just back off...wait for it, wait for it,
Wait for it.

As a topic of cogitation,
just keep your hands to yourself,
And leave your chickies uncounted;
I got you beat, any day of the week.

The Romans had something there:
Fuck you and your mom.

Respite and the Vandalists

he got us all...
smeared crossed the face
lip balm style
with so much force
and forte
that we all just watched
in cataclysmic awe.

Catch your own breaths,
no one else will play as catcher.

Darn Tootin'

I aint never been to texas,
but i sure like to see them cats grow.

We all made it out alive

Well, we did...
didn't we?

Wet farts, Silk sheets

We're picking up dregs and ashes:
Procured from minor city-states
and underlying provincial manors;

ain't no truth to the has-beens
and those without teeth.
Press OK to resume.

Tie those bootlaces, child,
ain't no tellin who'll be the one to trip.

Lately,

I think as the sun sinks:
slowly,
with gashes and
pause

Lately,
I sleep like shorn sheep:
like babies,
with giggles, and occasional
awe

Lately, I dream of skin cream:
first smooth,
then roughly, that's
all.

God DOES shoot dice...bite me, Einstein...

0 = ∞
∞ = 0

Prove me wrong...
c'mon, I dare you...

All your calculations can suck my dick...

I feel like lion.

Got a bad case
of the kitten face

but damn...
I itch so good.

Pink P-terydactyl

Everyone!
Come in at once!
That is to say
Together!

Egad!

Ha ha! I got you beat!

I wear my hands
crossed and tied.

A preventative measure
to avoid needless
investigations.

One Happy Sack

oh, wait, i mean
one sappy hack.
silly boy,
your britches are
far too short.

Traffic Court

I'm working on a hard time,
in a harder place to make,
slowly but surely showing up
blowing up bit by bit.

I have no use or excuses,
although I left my glasses at home,
it'll have to slide until next time
the best time to show you what-for.

I'm well past your social graces

I eat butter off your lunch meat.
I cook brownies on your feet.

I have lunch when I want to.

I've never been cornered by a lonely fool
that wasn't asking for it.

I'd give it time before
I'd give in to primetime.

You never know who's
in control of half
your stack.

There's always room for one more

My brain is on fire...how's yours?
A better chance to catch a bad hat.
That's not gold you're striking,
just a bit of a better view from above.

The strangeness won't follow you down
there's better buzz in a gascap.

"Very fine recove...addiction graspi...followed
shortly by th...he's forgotten his courses."

Happy hour kinship
followed bluntly by the
shallow-sourced vixens
elicits glistening.

He's forgotten his courses.
We'll show him...

people ARE: just people...

My grass is torn green.
I'm not angry, but...
someone else might be.

God forbid the habit picks up;
in common practice, it is better
left unsaid.

And we've all seen a million fancy dressers.
And some flashy smiles thrown briskly round the place.
And nothing's left but threats and second-guesses.
And when the petals fall, so quickly does the grace.

Excerpt: Tales of Elusia

Correct me if i'm wrong,
my eyes are smiling beyond the ages...
I make my bed aligned in stars.
I haven't known for long...

Adult Kiwi Strap

broke down the other day

waitin, boiled over



broke my back gettin up

Gobble Gobble Drown

Yes, I hold my beak up when it rains,
Condemning my Creator to helplessly hope
I don't die,

But I will.
Oh, I will.

Why would He make Me so poorly?

Tips on being an Easy Christian

...

Get them before they get you.

One sure-fire way to start a war.

We're all americans.

WWIII

it's gonna happen.
we'll all die.
it's just a matter of time.
don't fight it.
just die.
die.
DIE!!!

Worst Conversation Ever.

"Prithee, young lass...
Hathst thou travel'd far?"

"Farther than thineself,
Good sire."

Another day at the chuckle factory...

Sinful and Jaded (One rant before its time.)

That which holds true for you
Can never be applied to someone else.

Always count your chickens before they hatch:
One. Two. Three. Four.

See if it ever adds up.
You'll break your back before you're sure.

Just ask anyone you've ever met.

Tidal Whore-fare

Holy existential bullshit!
My hat has hopped from head to head
Claiming each as it's own.

Now the battle begins...

Test your batteries prior to commencement.
You'll be sorry if they're flat.

Jason Gets Exclaimation

your tongue may
be tied but
that don't mean
the loose ends
don't hang out!

Proof of Solid Ground

I've massaged the bellies of every kitten I've never seen.
It happened in a dream I dreamt I hope I'd have.
Where every flower shrub and tree was portrayed in a tasteful green,
Enveloping the spitting image of pristine.

But dreams die when dreamed on the fly,
with no temporal window to unfold.
Catalyzed and synthesized,
what's left, certainly, cannot grow.

I've lost all hope of gaining My Home,
On the hunt of some ethereal Goddess.
But once the sum approaches one,
My Soul will rest upon laurels of Solace.

Dying hard does not mean be Bruce Willis

Unseeming as it may be,
I apologize for my candor.

We've all been there:
once; twice; thrice.

If you want to ride my Llama
that's your own business.

Don't sell me out
to all those who are buying.

We've all been there.
Saying this; that; the other.

Tying one off isn't cool,
it's understandable.

We've all been there.
Don't get fooled by your foolishness.

We've all been there.

Fry your eggs on me...

One could say that we're all a dime a dozen.

One could say "We're all just dust in the wind".

But then again, I'd vote for "'jest'".

More than likely, we're all some cruel joke,
Some aftermath of slovenliness of cosmic Creation.
Plastered across the wreckage reads a sign
That says
"Don't step on the grass; that's reserved for the slime."

So don't put your label on me,
Put it on your videogames
And the CDs you try so hard
To keep people from stealing.

I'm not your whore,
Or my own, I'll take it
If you'll just leave me alone.

And quit breaking into my car,
You fucking assholes.

I'll Take a Beck's Next

Forgive my manner of speech,
I know it seems intimidating.
Maybe just at first, although,
I know it's the same in the end.

I have cried myself to sleep.

You never know when your bad dreams will catch up to you.

Have another decaf and wait for the plot to thicken.

I've had it happen once or twice...
you get used to it after a week or two.
Nevermind the heartache in between; it's useless
to avoid getting the ever-restless-used-to-be-whore vibe.

To say the least, it's true.

Return to the Land of the Dawn Breathers

Wake up around, say three thirty
which is not to say once or twice
the long haul is what is interesting
Drop the scrambies on the floor
Drop the mail on the porch
its always better when wet
I haven't floated around your garbage pile since I was a child
mayhaps before.

Don't let the wild ones eat your face.

The Last Paragon of Hope and Beauty

I've never felt so wrong about something in my entire life;
By that I mean that nothing i assert can be held to me.
I am completely irresponsible for all of my actions.

Perhaps this is immature.
Perhaps this is "gasp" blasphemous.

That is neither here nor there.

Perhaps this is the last vestige of hope in this mechanical world.

Wouldn't that be a bitch?
It's hard enough trying to cope
With some jamoke breathing down your neck.
How'd you like to sit in the Captain's Chair?

Wouldn't take it for the World...

Bite it.

Today, debauchery is not involving yourself
in amorous letdowns, or in some circles,
outright involvement in planetary affairs.

I'll show you "Letdown".

Let's see how hoity-toity you are,
strung by your ankles to an ancient elm.

It ain't so funny now...

"I see what you are going for,
but it seems it is the wrong means..."
To what end?

Show me GOD
I'll show you LIES

Show me HONOR
I'll show you STRIFE

Show me YOUR WORLD
I'll show you mine...

How long have you been standing there?

mumble...mumble mumble...

God! Fuck!
Jesus Fucking Christ!
FUCK!

uh...

mumble...mumble mumble...

I'm not sure you get my drift.

It hasn't been that long since yesterday
and we're driving towards today
faster than i would imagine but
slower than i'd expect

Has it been that long since sundown?
i forgot my hat down the street...

you can take your cannonballs
swallow them whole if you must
but don't forget your promise
i know better than to break backs

what was your name?
how did you get here?
Shouldn't you be Home,
in bed?

Nine Times / Ten

If you can turn it off
and turn it on...
must be it isn't real
or really.
That's what gets me...
that's what turns me loose.
Or at least that's what
i would say.
If YOU asked me.

Get off your high horse,
walk for a minute or two.
Then tell me how you feel.
It would be better
if you couldn't smell.

Not Only...

It's sad to say Doug came and went,
But no one saw him go.
So we traipsed and bent to circumvent
The pardons he would throw.
But once in a while he'd get us good;
Pick our insides out with spite.
That's not to say he had acted rude,
Just that he needed a bite.